Being Enough On Your Own

In Spain I often joke:“In Dutch I’m hilarious, in English I’m funny, and in Spanish… just nice.”

It sounds lighthearted, but it touches on something real: it’s incredibly hard to be yourself in a new language and culture.

You think you’re starting with a clean slate. That you’ll leave behind your bad habits, painful memories, annoying relatives, and energy-draining friends.

New place. New language. New you.

But no.

Because wherever you go, you simply bring yourself along.

With all your patterns, doubts, beliefs, and old baggage.

The myth of “starting over”

Moving somewhere new, a new job, a new relationship, new friends… it feels like you can start again.

But you don’t actually start over.

You start with yourself. And that is both the problem and the solution.

Here in Spain I’m dependent on what other people see in me. Based on… well, the energy I give off, I guess. Because my sharp, slightly sarcastic, feminist, funny self mostly lives in my head. In Spanish, I barely get past small talk.

Ironic, isn’t it? You want to escape judgment — and suddenly you’ve put yourself right back in a position where you depend on it.

“Do they see my best side?”“Am I asking the right questions?”“Am I interesting enough?”

Meanwhile, you’re also trying to learn a new language, figure out new social rules, and hide the fact that your vocabulary is far from complete.

Good luck with that.

A typical Valencian Sunday at someone’s home, with homemade paella and beer.

But the real pain sits somewhere deeper.

You’re not dependent on someone else’s opinion.

You’re dependent on your opinion about yourself.

If deep down you doubt your own worth, you’ll look for confirmation everywhere. On social media, but also in your new place, in your new language, with your new people.

And that simply doesn’t work.

What does work?

Being enough for yourself.

Peace with yourself.

Acceptance.

Self-confidence — especially when you can’t show your charming, articulate, brilliant side.

That’s where autonomy begins.

And now comes the exciting part.

I’m launching my website.

About my work, my ideas, and my vision on identity.

In other words: I’m showing myself again, on my own terms.

And yes, that’s uncomfortable. Because being visible means people can have opinions about it. But that’s exactly what identity coaching is about: knowing who you are without depending on what others think of it.

So here it is:

chantalderooy.com (A .com, yes — because I coach both online and in person in Spain, in Dutch and English. Spanish will come later:))

My website isn’t a business card of perfection. It’s an invitation for anyone who’s tired of getting lost in expectations, roles, and opinions that no longer fit.

Curious?

Have a look around.

And most of all: feel free to think whatever you think.

And if you have a tip or a comment — send it my way.

In the meantime, I’ll test whether I’m really immune to all those opinions;)