Dare To Learn: You Don't Get a Certificate for the Most Important Things in Life

I remember sitting at the midwife's office for the first time, newly pregnant.

Everything looked good.

"Great," she said. "See you in a few months."

That was it.

I thought: Excuse me? Months?!

I'd spent my entire life having to pass things.

A shoelace-tying certificate. Swimming certificates. Driving licences. Master's degrees. Professional certifications.

And for the biggest responsibility of my life, I got an appointment card.

Nobody checks whether you're ready for parenthood. (And I genuinely don't know how you'd ethically arrange that any other way.)

Apparently, you just learn as you go.

And I find that both terrifying and reassuring.

Because there are no certificates for so many of the important things in life.

Being in a relationship. Leading people. Setting boundaries. Communicating. Knowing yourself. Regulating your emotions. Getting through a difficult period. Dealing with things from your past. Grieving. Travelling.

No exam. No certificate. No moment when someone says:

"Congratulations. You can do this now."

One of my favourite learnings this year: in Japan, I discovered that something like ‘fatty’ tuna exists. This super-rich, fattiest part from the lower belly is almost entirely sold within Japan (there’s barely any left for export). And it is ridiculously delicious.

Yet somewhere along the way, something seems to change.

As children, we think it's completely normal not to be able to do something yet. We learn. We try. We practise.

But as adults, suddenly we think:

Surely I should know how to do this by now?

But how would you actually know?

You're not born knowing how to be a good partner, set boundaries, deal with your emotions or understand yourself.

You simply never had to get a certificate for any of it.

So dare to learn it yourself!

Read a book. Have a good conversation. Ask someone to be your mirror. Take a course. Try relationship therapy. Find a coach.

Not because there is something wrong with you.

Quite the opposite.

Because life gets more fun when you understand yourself better.

And perhaps it starts with accepting that you don't know everything.

That sometimes you have absolutely no idea how to handle something.

That you run into something and think:

How do other people actually do this?

Instead of immediately judging yourself for what you can't do yet, you can give yourself

some room.

Room to ask questions. Room to ask for help. Room to change your mind. Room to discover that you want to do things differently than you thought.

Some things come with a certificate.

The most important things usually don't.

So embrace the fact that you don't know everything yet.

You don't have to know how to do it already.

You are allowed to learn.