When did you stop talking to yourself like that?

When someone in our house says, "I can't do this," I automatically respond:

"You can't do it yet."

My partner sometimes rolls his eyes. But I keep saying it. For our daughter. And to my coaching clients.

Because that one little word changes something.

From a conclusion to a process.

From being stuck to moving forward.

It's surprisingly natural to say this to a preschooler.

As a mother, I feel almost obligated to teach her to think in terms of learning, trying and practising. Instead of failing, not being able to do something, or giving up.

And while my daughter is starting to pick up that little word yet, it's the adults who roll their eyes. Language purists, apparently.

I'm not exactly a saint myself.

My first thoughts when I'm learning something new are sometimes:

"Why can't I do this?"

"Surely I should be able to do this by now?"

Or another classic:

"This just isn't my thing."

While learning something new is actually exactly the same for children and adults.

The only difference is that somewhere along the way, we became less kind in the way we talk to ourselves.

Words aren't neutral.

They direct our attention.

They influence how we interpret a situation.

And ultimately, how we see ourselves.

My daughter wrote the Spanish word avión (airplane) phonetically, using Dutch spelling. Completely wrong. And so proud.

Completely wrong, obviously.

And she was absolutely delighted with herself.

That's also why language plays such an important role in my coaching.

Changing one word won't suddenly change your life.

But the words you automatically use often reveal how you see yourself.

And how much space you give yourself.

"I can't do this." Closes the door.

"I can't do this yet." Leaves it open.

I genuinely believe our willingness to learn something new starts, at least in part, with the way we talk to ourselves.

At some point in adulthood, we just stop giving ourselves the language we so naturally give children.

But when does that happen?

And why?